If your patio does not live up to your expectations, get some canned sunshine and on cloudy days open up a can or two of it. I live in Calif. and while canned sunshine really costs, it is worth it as it really does attract the half-naked young women. DON’T let your neighbors see the girl! They will steal her for their own, OR they may be evangelicals who will call the police. Lovely as they are, breasts are only allowed where ONLY YOU can enjoy them. In some ways this is good, though costly. You can always spend some more cash on a tanning bed and more canned sunshine.

In order to save a huge amount of money, go for the tanning bed and get a case of canned sunshine. Dribble some of the sunshine in some semi-obscure ‘pathway’ right to your back door. When she sneaks in to see if she can find the sunshine stash just close and lock the door as soon as she is inside. Tell her that this is heaven (my house is a hard sell) and there is a delicious dinner on the table. Daub canned sunshine around the dining room. The floor, walls and ceiling (don’t forget the bathroom). Remember, YOU DID tell her that she had just snuck into HEAVEN!

Phillip